Im horrified. Access your favorite topics in a personalized feed while you're on the go. Look at it like this, you had to study for an exam and you putting so much effort into hoping that you pass the test. There is never that concrete something we need for it to all fall into place & make sense. When they finally do leave, by moving out or divorcing you, theyll be in a better position to take everything, leaving you with only feelings of self-doubt. Meaning after the toxic relationship has come to an abrupt end. Because this scenario does not benefit them at all if they dont want something long-term from you. My narc ex actively did this after the break-up. It was not what I expected to witness from the father of my children. Reclaim your freedom & joy and start your recovery journey now! This is the . If theres no kids involved consider yourself blessed.Shit I have kids so its gone be a very long as road.Also,we not having sex or anything so Im sure theres a new supply.Moreover;Hes nonchalant an in I dont care mode.I have am open dss case and Im finson to have to cut babydad loose he has substance abuse issues.An a convert narcissist! Many take this time to apologize for perceived slights, anything to get the narcissist to open up and have a dialogue. Maggie McGee and Narc Wise, 2019. You will get through this. Their ego is on a rampage and will not risk being outed or revealed in any way. Get Clear on What You Deserve 5. Very eloquent. Relaying messages through friends. These are some of the most common signs that a discard is in the near future. Far better for you gorgeous one to keep doing what you are doing which is healing yourself. Or, if I agreed with what he said, then Id just okayed his behaviour, with serves to strengthen his public storyline. You will rarely see them again unless they find themselves up late one night, bored and horny. Family means everything to us. The silent treatment occurs during the devaluation phase of the abuse cycle to punish you and to fortify trauma bonds (see Why is it so hard to leave and abusive relationship with a narcissist? Their devaluations of you will increase in intensity. Narcissists must control everything and enlisting Flying Monkeys is a big part of that. He was unfaithful in the 1st two yrs of marriage; with zero remorse about it. You can politely ask your friends and family who still have contact with the narc, to not talk about what theyre up to at all. This. One of the initial symptoms of an impending discard is the silent treatment. The narcissist discards people for their benefit and they do not care about your feelings at all. Youll no doubt also be triggered every time you think about the injustices dealt at the narcissists hand. Get out by any means necessary, block all contact with the N and anyone they associate with. So, not only are you being completely discarded, but its actually your own fault (in their mind). Once you see them for who they truly are and recognise their hoover tactics, the game is up. However, its not as easy as that. Dear marionfallon1961. Whether a narcissist discards you permanently depends on three basic factors: As one narcissistic client told me: People are very interchangeable for me. However, the good news is that these feelings do not last forever. You may question yourself and feel like its somehow your fault that the narcissist discarded you. Maybe theyre spending a lot more time on their appearance and how theyre presenting themselves to the world. Im pretty sure he knows the jig is up as he has stopped stalking me on social media after doing so for 2 1/2 years and seven discards. This is clearly desirable because in going to this place you assume the responsibility for any given issue, and the narcissist continues to avoid accountability for their actions and behaviours. What the hell just happened? Think about, how much of their daily energy goes into turning the good into bad, love to hate, positivity to negativity this is how their brain functions. Many victims of narcissistic abuse are afraid of losing friends and family members when the narcissist claims they can be turned against them. Relationships with narcissists tend to follow a pattern that plays out again and again. Putting in no effort is also a way for the narcissist to reiterate that they are everything and you are nothing, which is a completely false delusion of their own. The silent treatment can run from hours, to days, to weeks, to months. Joy never lasts for the narcissist though, and the only way for them to retain that initial pleasure is by exerting power over you. Their sense of self is determined by what others think of them; they try to control what others think to feel better about themselves. Lets have a look at why the narcissist discards the people they so readily pretend to care about and how they do it. Theyll be regularly posting photos of all the fun and exciting moments theyre now sharing with this new person, who is apparently way better than you ever were. It can often feel like you've been used and discarded. Particularly when it comes to worrying that you are the narcissist, rather than the victim of one (check out How you know youre not the Narcissist for more detail on dispelling any fears on this front). Maggie x. Hi Maggie, do you have a youtube channel? To those who have experienced it, the discard feels incredibly cold and makes little sense. I had a plan to get settled, get help for gambling, get back on my own two feet and then help my teenage daughter who seems to be a mini me on steroids. A covert narcissist discards you or tortures you until you discard them. Butafter a while the novelty of enacting the loving couple wears off and they lack the ability to stay emotionally connected to you once things are less than perfect. Narcissists are infamous for flashing their new supply all over their social accounts. The narcissist made you feel like you were their whole world, especially within an intimate relationship. It doesnt seem like he wants to come back but Im afraid if he tries to that I will cave. Narcissist Discard Phase: Revenge or Peace? And so tonight I was looking and trying to really understand why everyone's story of the discard is so strong and so full of horror and shock. If you cannot realistically envision a good future together that does not involve the narcissist suddenly becoming different, you might want to stay discarded.. . Its utterly heartbreaking to then witness and feel the wrath of a completely different person coming at you, causing such intentional hurt and pain. If you live together they'll ignore your very existence and dish out their childish silent treatment. !Thanks for reading.Hugs and kisses. In answer to your questionsyou may never get the answers you are looking for. Its normal to feel like you were silly for falling for a narcissist in the first place. Their logic goes like this: The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse used by narcissists. I mean, lets be honest, narcissists are emotional voids at the best of times. This approach conveys: you have no value to me. If you notice some dramatic changes in the narcissist, these may be signs of a narcissist discard coming up. You can speak with someone who has been through the same experience and they will understand everything you are feeling because they have felt the same way. The void created by the absence of information fosters crazy making void filling repercussions within you, centred on answering the frantic question what have I done wrong? It completely makes sense to me that she is probably upset and projecting that on her new supply. It often happens without any warning signs or indication that you are about to be discarded. why would i want that bag of shit back??? The greater and overall more significant outcome of going No Contact is that you are reclaiming your life, your freedom, and your joy. By this point, you are their biggest threat because youre onto them. In fact after years of messy feuds, there are very few intact relationships in this narcissists family. This is where people often find themselves apologising for things they didnt even do, just to appease the narcissist and relieve the feelings of pain, rejection and abandonment. Now, remember, not everyone who ghosts you has a personality disorder. Their personal history is full of splits with people whom they now hate and refuse to talk to, often over events that they have mostly forgotten. However, it is important to remember that you are not silly for being targeted by a narcissist. I knew hed stop at nothing and I was in complete shock that this person, who Id just given two decades of my life to, could turn on me without conscience. The narcissist discard phase is so painful and confusing because it seems easy for the narcissist to toss you aside; they appear totally lacking in emotion. They simply do not have the capacity to love anyone. Eventually though, be prepared to be hoovered at some point when all of their other sources dry up. The anger is unreal.. the faces he makes look creepy. Ive been his walking mat, & he has no more use for me. But 1 day, in the future.. However, this is also common when the narcissist discards first. Every time you rerun the hurts of the past, you will essentially be granting the narcissist more supply, which Im sure is the last thing you want. The narcissist's final discard occurs when they finally have squeezed every last ounce of joy and self-worth from you. No more drama or victimization. Hes stonewalling me, us all really.. its crazy to watch an adult behave so manipulative & callous. This will undoubtedly anger the narcissist, but in the long run, it will save you considerable heartache. What is so difficult is that the final discard often happens after a period during which you think everything will be okay. 12 Narcissist Discard Signs & Why They Do It. Dear ozanark. [ COPYRIGHT 2023 - UNMASKING THE NARC - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED ] Chic Lite | Developed By. I went through all the verbal abuse, put downs, it was like being a passenger in a race car. You can now focus on yourself. Usually, for a reason that seems due to no fault of your own. You can find support and understanding from those people, which will help you cope better during this difficult time in your life. The only way forward from here is to heal yourself and raise your vibration to a place in which no narcissist can ever live again. It is cruel and a form . RELATED POSTS: Dating a Narcissist Divorce a Narcissist & Win Tips for Separating from a Narc Do They Miss You After Discard? Remove Yourself 2. Lets start from the beginning to see how we reach the discard phase. Twenty-nine phone calls is excessive to one apartment. Now you are expected to fix them, solve their problems and take responsibility for that which they refuse to do themselves. Rather than seeing their triggers as something unhealed within themselves, their ego instantly throws them onto the outside world. Its the final piece in the soul destroying puzzle, just when you think they cant do any more damage. No receiving nor responding to any meet ups, phone calls, text messages, social media bombs, letters, emails etc. Maggie x. How a Narcissist Treats You When Youre Sick. Also, I didnt have hardly any family/friends around & had a difficult, disabled child & this consumed a lot of my energy. One is to abuse and the other to stop it. You may have shared a life with them and even gotten married, had kids, the whole deal. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. I realise if I was to pay attention to their antics I would be reeled in again. The narcissists final discard occurs when they finally have squeezed every last ounce of joy and self-worth from you. How to Know If a Narcissist is Finished with You: 9 Sure Signs 1. In this emotional and mental state, the victim may not even notice that the discard is just over the horizon. 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