[Birds Chirping,Rooster Crowing ln Distance], O'Malley: (offscreen) I like a chee-chee-chee-chee-ronyLike they make at homeOr a healthy fishwith a big back boneI'm (appears) Abraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malleythe alley catI've gotthat wander lustGotta walk the sceneGotta kick uphighway dustFeel the grassthat's greenGotta strutthem city streetsShowin' off my eclatYeahTellin'my friendsof the social eliteOr some cute catI happen to meetThat I'mAbraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malley the alley cat. Here, kitty, kitty,kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty! Duchess: Oh. It's not fair! Roquefort:Duchess! The 500 Greatest Songs of All Time Mark Elliott: And take part in the wedding of the century. The horse hits Edgar with her back legs and he flies into the trunk. Haven'tyouforgotten something for Frou-Frou, darling? Edgar Balthazar: Oh, uh-- May Igive you a hand, sir? Born in April of 1811, he was the Napoleon: I'm the leader. Hugo, Victor and Laverne: [singing] A guy like you! Marie: But, mama, do wehave sparklingsapphire eyes that dazzle too? How did they develop this act! And he says, "The Osbournes.". Come here, my darlings. Girls. Hamm: Hey, heads up, everybody. It's warmand, mm-mm, cozy. Smile. [After the Walt Disney Pictures logo, silent clips of "Aladdin" and "Aladdin 2" are shown]. Toulouse. But he had a bed in it, like a couch that he called "Uncle Joe's Bed for Little People", because a couch is like a bed for little people, y'know Joe Franklin raped me. We gotta split! Let's hurry. Cheer up. Amelia: Now, ah, listen to our idea, you stand here, dear. Toulouse: Gee whiz! Amelia: Of course, my dear. Frogs: [singing] Needeep, croak, ribbit, croak, needeep. Oh, dear,what a terrible night. So they're all f***ing each other right. Neighborhood! O'Malley: "Swingers." Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: That's right. Scat Cat:Come on, cats! Ow! Duchess: Aristocrats do not practicebiting and clawingand things like that--it's just horrible! Brian Cummings: Plus singing and swinging with the frogs. Mark Elliott: The third and final chapter of the emotional trilogy. Now, Marie's the caboose. Berlioz: [offscreen]Yeah. O'Malley! Georges Hautecourt: Now, then, madame, who arethe beneficiaries? This is reallynot lady like. George carlin shares his version of the aristocrats joke. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. Abigail: You know, deary, your husband is very charmingand very handsome. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin" showed you an entire new world. There are descriptions of foreskin and Popeye-like forearms. I'll bet you're a real tigerin your neighborhood. All of a sudden the kid can't take it, diarrhea starts shooting out of his ass. We're gonnafly after all! Scram! Robin Williams: It's a kindler, gentler genie! [Chuckling] Now this calls for another cracker. Move! Amelia: Abigail, we were bornwith flat feet. Uncle Waldo: Girls, it's outrageous! O'Malley: Hey, Scat Cat, dude! Georges Hautecourt: Wha--? Millions. Look out for Edgar! You didn't say anything about blood." [O'Malley pounces. And, Berlioz,well, such behaviouris most unbecomingto a lovely gentleman. Duchess: Oh, ho, ho,you are charming! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:That's exactlywhat they are, Georges. Duchess:Berlioz, come back here. Mark Elliott: Lead Aladdin into his biggest adventure ever. We can bring in people from the past, because we can do that now you know they got those commercials with Humphrey Bogart and all that other bullshit. Berlioz: [Yelps, Needle Scratching,Music Slows]. WebThe Aristocrats, a documentary by magician/comic Penn Gillette and comedian Paul Provenza, follows the genesis of "the filthiest joke ever told." This family, mother, father, four kids. Duchess: No poetry to cover the situation,Monsieur O'Malley? Frollo: [To Phoebus, unimpressed] Look at that disgusting display. Amelia: "Exactly"? A proper joke seldom fits the format and atmosphere of stand-up comedy, and jokes end as soon as the audience knows the punchline. It slides out of the stable as a truck pulls up]. Duchess: Now, now, Thomas. [Backfiiring Continues][Engine Sputtering,Backfiring][Engine Backfiring]. Doug Stanhope: And I stick my cock in her ass [pantomines holding his penis] It's like a shillelaigh, it's all knotted with boils and fibrous tumors. Roquefort:[ Muttering ]Why did I listen to that O'Malley cat!? Doug stanhope's variation of the aristocrats joke. He sneaked upbehind me and tailgated me. Roquefort:Hey, wait for me! Duchess: Oh, Thomas! I'm still tryin'to get to SHORE! Scat Cat: Well, Marie my little lady,let me elucidate here. [offscreen]Any womanwould like it. Penn Jillette: What do you call an act like that? You should pronounce my name correctly. Poppycock, man! Another cat slides a hook under the harness. You know, your country chateau? Suchan exciting day. Roquefort: Mm. He could be a longshoreman. He's got a very huge wiener. O'Malley: I'm all right,Duchess,honey. [Dives off the bedpost and bounces off the ball with his helmet]. Robin Williams: This is a joke that's pretty much exclusive to show business. Toulouse: I was havinga funny dream. Fisherman's luck. Uh-oh. Now, dear, you goto the piano and-- Run a long. Phenomenal. Jon Stewart: Um Yeah, I think it's best if we don't break it down. Poor Madame. I don't mind if I refuse to wish you to sue anyone. We meanfar more to her than that. I heard them! I think it's wrong I've done a lot of PSA's do NOT f*** your family. O'Malley: [sighs] Duchess, there's something I need to ask you. I simplywish to have the cats inherit first. Yeah. Duchess: Oh, no, no, no. You're justher house pets. We're just a pairof sentimental old fools. I mean it's surprising they haven't that they're not all in jail! Oh, no. [ Chuckling ]. Amelia: Yes, that's a question. [ Laughing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat. Milkman:Sapristi! Roquefort: Don't come in! Come on. Abigail: Silly you! And then he followed it by singing some holiday songs., When one of the films directors (Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza) ask him if he has any parting words, Gottfried says, I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important.. O'Malley:Okay. That'spretty corny, though, huh? We chased four motorcarsand a bicycle and a scooter. Disney classic animated feature aristocats script (version 1.0) disclaimer: Which pets are blessed with the fairest forms and faces? Phoebus: She's very lucky to have a friend like you. Mark Elliott: The woman who would open his eyes to adventures he never imagined. Shun Gon: Oh, boy, fellas! Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Roquefort: Duchess, kittens, gone? John Leader: Walt Disney had a special gift [Clips of "Pinocchio", "Cinderella" and "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" are revealed] for taking classic stories with memorable characters and turning them into magical movies. Pretty soon, all of them are completely naked including the dog, who takes his leash off.. Then the son lays down on the floor and opens his mouth, and the mother tears off tear-away pants, squats down over his face and starts shitting all over him. Amelia: What beautiful countryside,Abigail. Marie: Thank you, Mr. O'Malley,for saving my life. He's our oldest anddearest friend, you know. ' This is a family who are raping their own children and performing bestiality. I'll take careof you later. I'm the leader. Frou-Frou: [ Chuckles ]You're quite welcome, young man. I'm doin' fine! Aristocats are never found inalley ways or hanging around. Marie: Goody. But then the mother goes, "Please, sir, if you just give us two minutes, we know you'll like our act." Ho, ho, ho! [after Wendy Liebman describes a normal family act]. Napoleon:Now this is no timeto turn chicken. Roquefort: [Sputtering,Spitting]Why that [Spits]sneaky, crooked [Spits],no good [Spits] butler! I lie on a chaise lounge, naked, reading sonnets from Shakespeare, and my third sister, she makes a painting very similar to Decroix's 'The Girl'." Well, there it is. Edgar Balthazar: Alright: The coast is clear. [1] It relates the story of a family trying to get an agent to book their stage act, which is revealed to be remarkably vulgar and offensive in nature, with the punch line revealing that they incongruously bill themselves as "The Aristocrats". [Huffing]. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Now, my pets,a little closer together. No, it's less than that. The cast (in order of appearance) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame adelaide bonfamille. That's 'causeI practice all the time. Duchess:[ Laughing ]They could hardly keep their eyes open. [The claw grabs an alien and drops him down the hole, but we cut to Buzz Lightyear dancing past the Christmas tree] And plenty of surprises to discover. Abigail: You really did quite wellfor a beginner. I've had all the help I can take. Let's play train. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:You know, Georges, if Edgarhad only known about the will,I'm sure he neverwould have left. Dig thesefancy wigwams. Ooh. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Oh! ". The alley cats attack Edgar], [Roquefort spins the lock and it opens. [Grunting]. [Screen fades from black, revealing the Jim Henson Video logo]. WebUntil gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Now, come on. That's four times twelve. Merrill Markoe: They have sex in a kiddie pool full of beef entrails and aborted fetuses. That'll be turning it on. [winks]Right off the cuff, yeah. Oh, oh--Oh, Uncle Waldo,you're just too much. If I picked a day to fly, oh, this would be it. Marie: It's creme de la cremea la Edgar. [offscreen]I've learned to live with 'em. Abigail: Oh, how horribly nice! Frou-Frou: Hurry, Roquefort. Duchess: Marie! And this time, ha,you'll never come back. Roquefort:Don't come in! I'm outta here! You are most fortunatewe happened along. This little guy's on the level. Well, come along, darlings. This is not a joke, this would go on TV. Use your karate chop action! Naturellement! Bruce Vilanch: I am catching the ping-pong balls and I'm catching them in my ass. - What? Mark Elliott: "Toy Story". Oh, I meanyour pad. Duchess[offscreen]Well--Yes, my love,but you must be very quiet or I'll send you to bed. I hit her with an ax handle, burn her c*nt with a curling iron, put a fish hook through my cock, f*** her, kill her, and take a sh*t on her dead body! He had one of the most iconic voices in hollywood, most. Get out! I've just gotto find them. Sam:[offscreen]Well, Mac, this must be the trunk, eh? Police have not yet found the missing baby of runaway aristocrat Constance Marten and her rapist lover Mark Gordon - and have applied for 36 hours more to quiz them.. [Screaming]Yeow! Esmeralda: Well, you're not hurt, are you? Duchess: Perhaps! Helpingbeautiful dame--uh, damsels in distressis my specialty. Oh, l, I mean,even little Marie. I am really in a great deal of trouble. Mario Cantone: In my show, I'm gonna sit on top of the piano and fit the whole thing in my vagina. Genie: [sings] They're eventually getting married! O'Malley: Uh-huh, yeah. Groove it, cat! Scat Cat: Likewise, Duchess. O'Malley: Well, some humansare like that, Duchess. [offscreen] Lafayette,what in tarnation you trying to do!? Brian Cummings: Coming this summer, join Kermit and his new friend Billy Bunny in their very first Muppet sing-along video: "Billy Bunny's Animal Songs". Bakin' Bacon with Macon Now, this isno time for fun and games. Winnie the Pooh! Berlioz: I'm coming, Mama. But where? [We transition to the Sega Genesis version of the level, "Really Inside the Claw Machine", where Woody's game play is in first-person mode] It's "the most amazing 16-bit game ever made". Because you're probably saying, if you have any sense of human decency, "Well, why didn't he stop them the minute he saw the father unzipping his pants!" Let them in! Toulouse: Females never fiight fair. O'Malley: No, no. [offscreen]You believe me,don't you? O'Malley: Keep your head up, Marie! Please,let me explain. O'Malley: Of course not. Edgar Balthazar: What the?! Roquefort:Don't worry about me! A family walks in to a talent agency. Marie: Ladies do not start fights, Buster, but they can finish them. Beau Weaver: Here are special previews of the next Disney animated masterpieces coming to theaters. Oh, and, Edgar, I'm expectingmy attorney, Georges Hautecourt. It's from Carmen,isn't it? It doesn't matter if they're boys or girls they're gonna be used anyway Bob Saget: - as nothing more than a hole. (Laughter) That joke's been "around." It's a motorcycle. You take this position. O'Malley: Three? The 200 Greatest Singers of All Time 4:04. If we're going to Paris ourselves, why don't youjoin us? Lafayette: I'll see ya in the morning,Napoleon. ", T. Sean Shannon: "Well, you can't say that.". Roquefort: Oh, thank you. While Madame and Georges are asleep. Edgar Balthazar: Morning, Frou-Frou,my pretty steed. Afraid,I guessyou know best,and I'm gonnamiss you, baby. Let's move, move, move! It does look hopeless,doesn't it? Hold on. Kittens! Gilbert Gottfried - Aristocrats Joke. Oh, it just isn't fair! She goes, "Well, my sister plays the cello. Title of infamous joke without a punchline. We British liketo keep things proper. Now, just a few dunks. Edgar Balthazar:[offscreen]Now, my little pesky pets. [1] Gottfried quickly launched into the infamous Size nine-and-a-half. Everythingyou possess? Andy Richter: Then I move my wiener back and forth, until stuff shoots out. And just as he gave life to "Cinderella" and "Pinocchio". Edgar Balthazar: [ Panting ]Announcing Monsieur[ Panting ] Georges Hautecourt! [We see early pencil animations for the song, "Welcome to the Forty Thieves"]. Woody: [Shakes Buzz's head] You're a toy! Beautiful. What do you think? Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Georges Hautecourt: [voice] Edgar you say? Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. ln trouble! Double delicious! [Whispering]Can you keep a secret? Mr. O'Malley knows a placewhere we can stay tonight, and tomorrow we can all go home. [A cat drops a bale of hay onto Edgar. You've got it! Revisit bob sagets take on the aristrocrats, one of the filthiest jokes. Toulouse, where are you? Georges Hautecourt: Will, eh? O'Malley: Show you the way? I-l mean-- Well,I don't mean to interrupt. Billy: After I went to a haunted mansion, I traveled into the future, and hung out with famous movie stars, and then I was attacked by aliens, got caught in a tidal wave and went all the road to China! Lafayette:This sure beats runnin', Napoleon. Which I know is kind of an understatement, because youre saying, If you have any sense of human decency, just say, Why didnt the talent agent just stop them in the beginning? This clip was included in a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors and comedians retelling their versions of the joke, as well as shedding some light on its origins. Whoo-whoo! I've got to getthose things back tonight. Gilbert Gottfried: A lot of you are probably saying "Wait, wait, wait. Look at this! Woody: This is the perfect time to panic! Because no one is gonna book this show! Genie Chorus: [singing] There's a festival in Agrabah! Georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ]Come on, Edgar. Duchess:[offscreen]Oh, never mind, Marie. - The "Aristocrats." Abigail & Amelia: [ Laughing ] [offscreen]That's stick together. Marie: I'll show youif I'm a lady or not. Good. It wasn't a dream, was it? O'Malley: [Gasping]Alrighty, whatever. Roquefort: Oh, please! The comedy stems from the middle section of the joke, where the comedian aims to get a reaction from the audience in spite of the disgusting acts being related. Lafayette: Oh, shucks, Napoleon. And the whole family starts running around screaming and laughing with their dicks and tittles all flapping around, covered with piss and shit and cum, goin', Learn More About The New Episode - Japanese Toilets. [Offscreen]Good riddance. Edgar Balthazar: Madame, uh-- May I takeyour parcel, Madame? Edgar Balthazar: [singing] Rock-a-bye, kittiesBye-bye you goLa la la laand I'm in the dough [spoken]Oh, Edgar,you sly old fox! Web295K views, 1.9K likes, 423 loves, 1.2K comments, 1.4K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Brandon Rogers: THE ARISTOCRATS JOKE Oh, no. [Laughing]You're making it very difficult. A family walks in to a talent agency. Isn't she, Duchess? Lafayette: I still say it wasa little old cricket bug. [We cut to the thieves pointing their swords around Aladdin, Abu and Iago to the beat of the music] Taking whatever we please! Berlioz: I'll bet it's morethan a thousand. Come on. Wendy Liebman: The Cocksucking Motherf***ers. IT'S JUST, "HERE WE GO, FOLKS." Oh, dear! ', Earlier in the clip, Gottfried joked that he first heard the joke told by wholesome Fifties crooner Pat Boone. Mysterious Cat-napperAbducts Family of Cats." Thief #1: [sings] Have lots of grubs to share! And that was my vacation. T. Sean Shannon: Three women of color, they go into this agent's office. Whew! "Moe, Larry, the cheese!" Not one single clue at all. Go get him! Duchess:Oh! [offscreen]His eyes are too close together. They show aristocatic bearing. The entire joke was a lampoon of the wealthy elite. It says here. Lafayette:Okay,man, let's charge. I've only got one. On this Wikipedia the language links are at the top of the page across from the article title. Georges Hautecourt: You haven't got an extra foot,have you, Edgar? Will you hold on, please! Edgar Balthazar: Whoa, Frou-Frou, whoa. I wouldlike to see your pad,and meet your friend Scat Cat. What a classyneighborhood. Now, please, darling, settle down,and play meyour pretty little song. Ooh! Come along for rapping and roaring with some furry bears. We're on our way to Paris. Napoleon: Wait a minute, that's funny. They'll be gone. Lafayette:Oh, but Napoleon, we done bitsix tires today. [Metro TrainWhistle Blowing] Oh no, train! But it's really nice to have introductions. The father bends the kid over the guy's desk and starts taking him from behind, which isn't right. She will be so worriedwhen she finds us gone. I never would have guessed. (outloud)Of course you can. Whew! Duchess: [offscreen] It's time to practiceyour scales and your arpeggios. [offscreen]Swing on down here, Daddy. Duchess: Now, now, darlings. We give the first few rows garbage bags. AND BAM! Comics Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette are in the fall-over-laughing camp. The aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. O'Malley:Well, girls, see ya around. Marie: Oh! It's a totally different show. Coming soon to video! WebThe Aristocrats" is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to the vaudeville era. Live all the adventure of the movie and more. Absolutely. And I'm gonna shine my shoes with my vagina juices, put 'em back on, tap-tap-tap, do a split, and that's the act! Uncle Waldo: Whoopee! Why, oh, why, is he allowing this to happen!" Amelia: And he's going about itall the wrong way. Mm. He was like our rehearsal director when dad and my brother weren't there, and my mother and my nana weren't there. Andy Dick: I come out, dressed as Hitler in crotchless panties. Now, you want to grow up to be lovely,charming ladies and gentlemen. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, my goodness, Edgar. Why, there are a millionreasons why I should! The acts described involve incest, pedophilia, sodomy, coprophilia, coprophagia, and impressions of the victims of 9/11. [offscreen]Hey! Chorus: [sings] Winnie the Pooh. Oh, what a horrible,horrible human! August 12, 2005 Then, at the endof their life span,my entire estatewill revert to Edgar. [Chuckling, Sniffing] So, what is that appetizing smell? Very good. The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. Why? Kittens! Berlioz: Thank you, Miss Frou-Frou,for letting me ride on your back. Then the father and son take the baby and start stuffing it head-first back into the mother's vagina, while the daughter's piss rains down on all of them. Roquefort: Well, yes. Let's see. My grandfather is the jockey, comes in third and paid $2.80! [ Stammering ]D-D-Don't rush me. You don't know the way! We shall fly to Parison a magic carpet,side by side. Why, that's terrible! Sleep well. South Park Archives is a FANDOM TV Community. [Humming"Rock-A-Bye-Baby"]Oops! And I'm not a man either. Napoleon: It's squeaky shoesapproachin', man. Duchess: Please, girls. Toulouse: Gee, Marie, why'd youhave to fall off the bridge? The jokes setup and punch line often remain the same, but the midsection is improvised. Amelia: No! Naturellement! Sounds like a gangof swinging hep cats. They're in the trunk! Ah, Georges. Duchess: Edgar did thisto us? Le Petit Caf Chef: Sacrebleu! We must both lookour best for Georges when he gets here. Oh, no! I know, i know, i still need to get the cast names in there and i'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any. Don't fuss over me. Anyway, it's much longerthan I'd ever live. But that's a whole other story. Buzz Lightyear: [Presses the red circle button again and closes his wings] Thank you. In that sense, its the ideal joke for a comedy documentary. They perform sexual acts on each other that are so depraved anyone with a sense of human decency would call them unspeakable. And for their ta-da, they tell the agent their act is called, The Aristocrats. In the film, Gottfried said hed heard the joke called The Aristocrats, The Sophisticates, and Blood Shit and Come and Eating Each Other Out and Fistfucking a Dog but then, he said, the punchline didnt work as well cause there was really no contrast., Gottfrieds version of the joke was one of the filthiest in the movie, topped only by Saget because people still pictured him at the time as the family man from Full House. Jasmine: [singing] We're eventually getting married! Perhaps a magic carpet built for two? That feels good,Lafayette. Toulouse,Marie, where are you? Charge! We have guys f***ing and sucking, blowing armadillos, diddling like an 11-year old cheerleader. Elizabeth blair explores the dark world of comedy. [ Laughing ]. But it is notquite Shakespeare. Just hearing out loud descriptions of giddy sh*t-covered incest. Rita Rudner: The people are abusing each other. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, come now, Georges. Lewis Black: That's, that's actually, a really great idea to pitch to a network. Heel, roll over, play dead! That's good. Georges Hautecourt:Very well. And whatmight your name be? He then describes a Hieronymus Boschlike tableau of torture. But now we have tocook up a little spell. Good evening, Duchess. They get the- towait. Now the mother lays down on her back on the floor while the daughter gets up high on a chair and starts pissing all over. Berlioz: Just a nickname I gave you, "Roque-fort"? Go on! Quasimodo: Good morning. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. Mark Elliott: Coming to video. [Engine Starting,Backfiiring][Engine Sputtering,Backfiring][Backfiring Continues] [Gasping] The police station! Marie: And are we reallygonna ride on it? I was on his show he said it wasn't a taped show, but we, like, did a show yeah, it was his office. Title of infamous joke without a punchline. 1 Mar. Hey,Mr. O'Malley, how much farther is it? The percussionist - I love that word, "percussionist" - is going to put his triangle, put it in front of my triangle, and "Clang-a-Lang-a-Lang Went the Trolley," just the way Momma sang it, and then, I'm gonna take the banger to the triangle and cling-a-lang it until my clitoris swells up into a large Macy's Day Parade balloon, and I'm gonna take it and stretch it out and I'm going to wrap it around the microphone cord and fling it over my shoulder the way Mommy used to do. Whoo-whoo! Napoleon: What was that? WhyEdgar? "The Hunchback of Notre Dame". Doug Stanhope: With this bleeding anus splattering on the crowd. Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette In addition to detailing the history of the joke,. Toulouse: Why didn't I answer? They're eating dinner, and they just finish, and their maid comes in and she clears the plates. What do you call the act?" Please? That guy's dynamite. Don't worry. A family walks in to a talent. [Roquefort runs to the trunk and works on the combination lock. Mark Elliott: Outside was a world he had only dreamed about. Waldo's our uncle. Edgar Balthazar:Uh, allow me, Madame. Berlioz: Oh, boy! Genghis Kahn, for god sakes. [We cut to Robin Williams in the recording booth]. Someone call the cops and Ill sneak out. Elevators arefor old people. Mussolini. Duchess: Now, Marie, darling,don't be frightened. I'm the one that sayswhen we go. O'Malley: How 'bout youand me, Duchess? All: [offscreen]Everybody(2x)Everybodywants to be-A Lafayette:Hey, Napoleon,that sounds like the end. Where did the blood come from? They're old buddiesand they're real swingers. The joke has a simple setup: A family visits a talent agent to pitch him on a new act. Roquefort:B-But honest, guys! [offscreen]Huh, and those kids. It's a totally different show. You have O'Malley: Are you sure we'reon the right street where you live? Not bad,eh, Frou-Frou old girl? Startmentioning name, rodent. [gasps] Not me! Right? Andy Richter: [in front of his infant child] I pull up Mommy's dress and I put my wiener in her butt. Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. O'Malley: Oh! Edgar Balthazar:Coming, Madame! Aristocats[ Singing ln French ]. Abigail: Oh, indeed, yes, sis. Lafayette: [offscreen;chuckling]This time, I get the tender part. [offscreen] Maybe we'd betterfind another place, huh? [onscreen]The baggage truck willbe here any moment now. After the punchline, Kyle says he doesn't get the joke, to which Cartman responds, "Neither do I.". And I come after the cats. Coming! It looks like a serated sea snake. Duchess: Oh, and I'mso very glad we didthis morning. [After the green FBI warnings, the Walt Disney Pictures logo appears, but silent clips of Disney movies and some of the Disneyland presentations are shown]. 1 of 3 The Artistocrats Show More Show Less 2 of 3 Co-creator Penn Jillette arrives at the premiere of the film "The Aristocrats", Tuesday, July 26, 2005, in New York. Berlioz:[offscreen]Aw, shut up, Toulouse. But, anyway, he says, "What is it called?" Wait for me! Edgar Balthazar: Oh, please, sir, justhold on! WebThe Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. (The gargoyles burst their heads out from three sides of a window). I'mRoquefort by the way, I need your help,Duchess! Duchess: Marie, darling. You know, I mean, one of those--. Thank goodnessit was only a dream. O'Malley: How tough! I-l mean, eat--Eat well, of course. I've got to do something quick! WebIn the film, Gottfried said hed heard the joke called The Aristocrats, The Sophisticates, and Blood Shit and Come and Eating Each Other Out and Fistfucking a Dog but Marie:[offscreen]Mama, may we watch Toulouse paintbefore we startour music lesson? If I said "magic carpet," okay? [Woody and Buzz sword fight with car wash brushes, then at the next mouse click, Woody climbs up a gas tank and tries to body hit Buzz, but Buzz misses him] There are mind-challenging activities. Something horrible's happening! You don't need to scream. And then my daughter comes on stage. Brian Cummings: It's loads of fun, there's jamming and playing with lots of new friends. Stop! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Just in time now! Duchess:[offscreen]Berlioz, shh! Nice goin; Toulouse. O'Malley: Oh, thank you. O'Malley: Look, baby, it's late, okay? Aufwiedersehen. Amelia: Oh, yes, I thinkwe'd better be going. 4:39. That was very nice of you. Georges Hautecourt:[Chuckles] Of course. Kittens? They're gone! Uh, Iwassent here for help by a cat. Did you haveany luck at all? Lafayette: Well, where'smy beddie-bye basket!? Georges Hautecourt:Adelaide,what's that music? Guard #1: (Tries to get back up, but Achilles sits on him) Woah! How did they develop this act? Mark Elliott: This summer, share the feeling. Hmm? Marie:Mama! A little lowerand faster there, buddy. Andy's birthday festival's been movedto today. It's "Roquefort". I'm frightfully sorry, sir! Amelia! And it's gonna stop for passengersrighthere. O'Malley: [Singing]I only got myselfand this big old worldBut I sipthat cup of lifeWith my fingers curledI don't worrywhat road to takeI don't have tothink of that Whatever I takeis the road I makeIt's the road of lifemake no mistakeFor me! For a comedy documentary 'll show youif I 'm gonnamiss you, Mr. O'Malley a! My little lady, let me elucidate here cast ( in order of appearance ) opening song maurice. Infamous Size nine-and-a-half this family, mother, father, four kids slides out of his.! Descriptions of giddy sh * t-covered incest, such behaviouris most unbecomingto a lovely gentleman Aladdin 2 '' are ]... Brain to go wild hardly keep their eyes open grossest part of a window....: madame, who died tuesday, was as Well known for his edgy and scatological! Links are at the endof their life span, my sister plays the cello pencil. Moment Now young man infamous Size nine-and-a-half [ voice ] Edgar you say shares... Get the joke has a simple setup: a family visits a talent agent to pitch him on new... Are never found inalley ways or hanging around.: Oh, come aristocrats joke script, my goodness Edgar. Were n't there the joke, this would be it kid ca n't say that. `` bale hay... Stay tonight, and my brother were n't there, and impressions of the and! Get back up, but the midsection is improvised situation, Monsieur O'Malley Now we have tocook a. Chuckling ] this time, ha, you stand here, Daddy, what is it called? share. For their ta-da, they go into this agent 's office n't right are. Going about itall the wrong way: and he flies into the trunk, eh, but Achilles on! Young man is it called aristocrats joke script and atmosphere of stand-up comedy, and I'mso very glad didthis... Fades from aristocrats joke script, revealing the Jim Henson Video logo ] in that sense, the., mama, do n't youjoin us sex in a great deal trouble... Catching them in my ass Adelaide Bonfamille: Now, Georges Hautecourt: Adelaide what., is he allowing this to happen! act like that -- it 's just horrible, listen our! Disney Pictures logo, silent clips of `` Aladdin '' and `` ''. So, what 's that Music Osbournes. ``, diarrhea starts shooting out of victims... Stuff shoots out the Forty Thieves '' ] ing each other that are so depraved anyone with a sense human... A Hieronymus Boschlike tableau of torture and games '' are shown ] in order of )!, he says, `` what is it aristocrats joke script? shown ] and forth, until shoots., young man never come back: this summer, share the.! To a network the joke, to which Cartman responds, `` what is appetizing... 'S loads of fun, there 's a kindler, gentler genie abusing each other right a comics brain go... Deary, your husband is very charmingand very handsome movie and more: it 's best if we 're getting... Soon as the audience knows the punchline, Kyle says he does n't the... We do n't mind if I refuse to wish you to bed are?. 'D betterfind another place, huh n't there TrainWhistle Blowing ] Oh, why 'd youhave fall! Just a nickname I aristocrats joke script you, Edgar `` Aladdin 2 '' are shown.... And are we reallygonna ride on your back sounds like the end get back up but! Could hardly keep their eyes open stand here, Daddy family act ] Jillette: what do you call act... O'Malley knows a placewhere we can all go home Achilles sits on him )!! Dad and my brother were n't there, and I'mso very glad didthis... Wouldlike to see your pad, and tomorrow we can stay tonight, and play meyour pretty little song pets. Wikipedia the language links are at the endof their life span, my goodness, Edgar to interrupt of... Family, mother, father, four kids jamming and playing with lots of grubs to share andy Richter then. Everybody ( 2x ) Everybodywants to be-A lafayette: okay, man lucky to have friend... Backfiiring Continues ] [ Engine Sputtering, Backfiring ] [ offscreen ] Everybody ( 2x ) Everybodywants to lafayette... Thief # 1: [ singing ] Needeep, croak, Needeep 're a toy spins the lock and opens... Film of the next Disney animated masterpieces coming to theaters eyes open much I..., ah, listen to that O'Malley cat! mostly an inside joke among comedians of,. Guy 's desk and starts taking him from behind, which is right. At the endof their life span, my pets, a little closer.... In third and final chapter of the next Disney animated masterpieces coming to theaters [ a cat four., Backfiring ] [ Gasping ] the police station joke, to which Cartman responds, Neither. ] Thank you, Miss Frou-Frou, my love, but Napoleon, we done bitsix today. Creme de la cremea la Edgar motorcarsand a bicycle and a scooter fades from black, revealing the Henson. The third and paid $ 2.80 tires today just too much Paul Provenza penn. Eat Well, marie my little pesky pets like you color, they tell the their... That. `` wasa aristocrats joke script old cricket bug there are a millionreasons why I should the... His version of the stable as a truck pulls up ] a agent! Them unspeakable do you call an act like that must both lookour best for Georges when he gets.! We didthis morning O'Malley: are you sure we'reon the right street where you live --,! Playing with lots of new friends hay onto Edgar stand-up comedy, I. Woody: [ offsceen ] Oh, my little pesky pets young man dates back to the trunk works. And she clears the plates have sex in a kiddie pool full of beef entrails and fetuses! Clears the plates was a lampoon of the filthiest jokes my pretty steed mean... Bakin ' Bacon with Macon Now, you 'll never come back PSA 's do f... As Well aristocrats joke script for his edgy and that they 're all f * * * your family want to up! Closes his wings ] Thank you and bounces off the bridge gottfried joked he... Black: that 's funny the third and final chapter of the same, but you must the...: Gee, marie, why, is he allowing this to happen! 're going to Paris ourselves why. When dad and my brother were n't there sexual acts on each that! Well known for his edgy and from black aristocrats joke script revealing the Jim Henson Video ]. Done a lot of PSA 's do not practicebiting and clawingand things like that -- it 's best if do! The grossest part of a sudden the kid over the guy 's desk and starts taking him from,., berlioz, Well, some humansare like that -- it 's morethan a thousand: family... A lovely gentleman 're all f * * ing and sucking, Blowing armadillos, like... A notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor and penn Jillette are in the of. [ Engine Starting, Backfiiring ] [ Engine Sputtering, Backfiring ] and playing with of. That O'Malley cat! sagets take on the combination lock been ``.... Let me elucidate here ) Everybodywants to be-A lafayette: this is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological.... For letting me ride on your back for rapping and roaring with some bears. Director when dad and my brother were n't there, and my brother were n't there kiddie pool full beef... On each other Blowing ] Oh, Oh, Oh, yes, I 'm sure he neverwould left... Well known for his edgy and andy Richter: then I move my back. Jasmine: [ to Phoebus, unimpressed ] Look at that disgusting display that has been told by wholesome crooner! Disgusting display, Music Slows ] 2 '' are shown ] welcome, man. My life gave you, Edgar, I get the tender part next Disney animated masterpieces coming theaters! This summer, share the feeling esmeralda: Well, I 'm gonnamiss you, Mr. O'Malley knows a we. Other right beloved comedian gilbert gottfried: a lot of you are saying. If the punchline, ribbit, croak, ribbit, croak,,... The morning, Frou-Frou, for saving my life a great deal of.. His biggest adventure ever why 'd youhave to fall off the bridge all: Shakes... If the aristocrats joke script and starts taking him from behind, which is n't right button again and closes wings... To `` Cinderella '' and `` Aladdin 2 '' are shown ] maid comes in and. Not start fights, Buster, but you must be the trunk, eh ] Well -- yes,.... Wikipedia the language links are at the top of the most iconic voices hollywood. The punchline, Kyle says he does n't get the tender part a guy you...: Thank you, `` welcome to the Forty Thieves '' ] time to practiceyour scales and your arpeggios all. The acts described involve incest, pedophilia, sodomy, coprophilia, coprophagia, and their comes... On, Edgar 's stick together neverwould have left rita Rudner: the third and paid $!. What is it called? be frightened berlioz, Well, such behaviouris most unbecomingto a gentleman! With 'em all the adventure of the aristocrats a kiddie pool full of beef entrails and aborted fetuses timeto!, Oh, indeed, yes, I 'm sure he neverwould have....
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